Grandma in My Head

via Daily Prompt: Unfinished

My inner critic has always been relayed to me in my Grandma’s voice.  “If you’re going to do something, do it right,” she’d say with a straight long line for a mouth.  It was never a suggestion with her, always a command.

She was like a razorback boar some of the time, snorting and grizzling round our house – cleaning and grumbling and dishing out orders to all of us, her servants.  It wasn’t too bad for me, cause I was little.  And I definitely was treated like a little princess since I was the first granddaughter and adored by everyone except maybe my uncle who was only 8 years older than me.

By the time I had escaped the “Golden Child”- failed expectations of my family and moved far, far away from them all,  I began to struggle with the most frustrating problem.  I could not begin a new book until I had finished the book I was reading.  I’m serious I could not make myself check-out another book until I finished the current one.  This bled into other activities too.  I couldn’t start a new sewing project until I had finished the present one.  I couldn’t buy a new skirt or pair of pants until I had hemmed the last one.  I had to finish whatever I started before I could move on, even if I hated the book, the pattern or the garment.  But why?  I was an adult now, I could do what I want.

In my late 20’s and newly married, my husband remarked that sometimes he was reading 3 books at a time.  “What?” I asked.  “How can you?  You have to finish the one you’re reading before you begin a new one.”   “Or what?” he asked.  “I don’t know”, I stammered as my mind raced in circles to find the answer. I started thinking, why couldn’t he read more than one title at a time?  There was no reason.  “Won’t you get confused?  And what if its’ left unfinished ?”  I questioned, struggling to figure out my thinking.  “So.  he replied, “sometimes I don’t like the book I’m reading or half of it is good enough.”  I scratched my head considering the opportunity of actually having two or three books to enjoy at one setting.

And then I heard my Grandma’s voice say, “Young lady, finish what you start. You don’t want to be that person that starts a million things and never finishes one.”


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